Confession #1

Confession #1

Here’s my first confession.

So in the spirit of complimenting others, also because we realized we’re not very nice to each other, my friends and I decided to compliment each other. Don’t get me wrong, we all care about each other very much but we don’t show it in the most affectionate or nicest way. We show love by insulting each other. I have a lot of friendships like this actually, one of my closest friends and I insult each other so much that people often ask us (separately and together) why we spend so much time together when we can’t stand each other.

Honestly, we have one of the best relationships I’ve ever had as well as one of the best friendships out of the people we know. We are 100% brutally honest with each other and we tell each other we love each other as often as we insult each other.Of course, this only works because there’s no real heat behind our insults, they amuse us more than anything else.

So, I suggested the idea as a joke and genuinely meant it as a joke but as we got into it it turned very serious, very quickly. Once I realized that it was getting serious, I got very nervous.

I got nervous, not because I don’t have nice things to say, but because I’m not good at expressing myself or being vulnerable in person. In my writing, I can be very sincere and genuine but in person people always assume I’m being sarcastic to start with and then I feel uncomfortable expressing myself. I’m like a gruff old man who gives you a pat on the back as a show of affection.

I was also nervous about what they were going to say about me. Part of me, a big part of me, felt like they probably wouldn’t have anything nice to say which would’ve been very uncomfortable. In hindsight, I see that I was also nervous because I’ve only know these people for a few months. I don’t consider that long enough for me to trust anything they say about me as anything really sincere or anything that is a real comment on me as a person. Why? I don’t trust people, I find it extremely hard and so for them to really earn my trust and get to know me I knew it’d take way more time than what we’d already had.

In the end, it was a great exercise. Everyone walked away feeling good about themselves and we probably all felt a little closer to each other.

~ One Less Mean Girl

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